I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Farmville is her only friend.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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