I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
