I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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