Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
