After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize