FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had sex on a dog bed..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
