The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You dont lie about slip and slides
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
