Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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