So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
