So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
