I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
