There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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