Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
