If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish I could teleport
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
