I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
