Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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