Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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