she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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