Who wears a wallet chain?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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