By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
my poor anus
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
