I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
