He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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