this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
