It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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