My room smells like vodka and shame
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I cannot find my penis.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
