Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
