Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
