We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
