omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
