drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
