Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
