i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
