Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.