fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
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Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?