I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.