Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.