Your face is a jimmy john
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink