he thought i was a dude.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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