I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
