he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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