Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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