is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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