Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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