I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Farmville is her only friend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
