Even the bartender felt bad for me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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