Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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