My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
