so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
