So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
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I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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