Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
