i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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