Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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