my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
