my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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