Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
