That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is wine microwaveable?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
