I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
