TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
