It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
