i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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