there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
