Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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