we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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