just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
