Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
