I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
